Happiness
This is such a wonderful song… I just wanted to share it with everyone. It is beautiful with a full range of emotions.
Happiness
By Isaac Slade/The Fray
Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?
Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good
Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s probably enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar
Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
But let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home
I must be a little messed up…
Last night I watched a movie with my friend Evan and we ended up talking into the wee hours of the night about everything. He is such a great guy and sooo fun to talk to! I swear, he is one of the most fun people I know. Plus, he is just so gosh darn smart. I have always been very attracted to that quality in a person. But anyway, we got to talking about relationships and I actually told him that I missed the guy I was with when we met a couple of years ago. I had never actually told anyone in person that before and it just slipped out. I played it not so cool… I was like, “It’s fine…. I am sure he is fine. I know I will always have feelings for him, but I am sure he has moved on… I’m really okay.” He definitely caught that I was lying about the fact that I was fine because he asked me if I was really okay. I teared up a little… I never cry in front of people because I feel weak and helpless in front of them. Anyway, I was just so surprised that I actually made my feelings vocal for the first time. I am glad it was to Evan because he knew him a little. He said he always liked him and thought he was funny… gregarious nachos… ha. Good times, good times. (Sigh.)
Anyway, I had told him that since my previous relationship I have never found anyone that I felt that way towards. Evan, of course, was like, I am sure you will find someone… someday. (In my head I was like… yeah right, not like him! He was too special.) I also told him that Adam and I would probably not be together very much longer. However, I will have to wait a little bit because Adam and I are supposed to go on a trip to Europe at the beginning of summer… I guess we haven’t bought the tickets yet… i could do it soon, but i feel so bad because he loves me so much! Plus, I would just be alone after that, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And it isn’t like i want to date other people… just one other person who I have already known and loved previously. He is the only one i ever really wanted. I didn’t know that until I actually tried dating people. That is kind of why we broke up… how stupid is that?! I wanted to date other people and he didn’t want me to. I did find out he was right and I just got myself into a whole mess of trouble. We were apart for a couple of months and I was dating someone else. Then we got back together and it just wasn’t the same. I thought i wanted someone else, but I didn’t… and I don’t.
Gees… I am so stuck in the past. This just isn’t healthy… I need to stop before I am to the point where these thoughts ruin my current relationships… even though they kind of already are. When I am thinking about someone else when I am with someone… that just isn’t right. It is just that I can’t do better. I can’t have that person back… so, that is the best I can get, and he really does love me. I know that. I just don’t have the passion where every second of the day is spent thinking about him.. unlike how it was before. Wow… I might be a little messed up about this whole situation. To see it actually written out, my thoughts I mean, it makes it so real… Hm.
I am going to stop this now. I shouldn’t wish for things that I can have…
Something Interesting Methinks 