Signs and Weekends

March 9, 2009 at 3:38 pm (It's just my life, Just Writing from the Soul)

So, here’s the thing. (By the way, I write how I talk…) There has been a lot of crazy things happening in my life lately. I take things as signs sometimes because I kind of believe in fate. I always have and I think I always will, even if I say I don’t. Anyway, it all started two weekends ago.

Evan had his party at my house because Drury is now a dry campus. So, he and a bunch of his friends came over. That was fun. He ended up getting a little too drunk and got sick in my spare bathroom. So, being the good friend I was I went in there to help and talk to him. I was in there for over two hours. I had more fun in there with drunk Evan than I did the whole rest of the weekend with Adam. (I will divert back to that in a little bit.) So, that next day he called me up to ask me if I wanted to see the midnight showing of the Watchmen Friday morning. Heck yes I did! So, we planned that and he bought me a ticket! I took that as a sign.

Wednesday night Adam and I met in Kansas City and saw The Pink Floyd Experience at the Uptown. It was good. I am more of a Zeppelin fan, but oh well. So, I guess Adam just decided to come down to Springfield instead of going back to school for his Friday classes. I said fine at the time, but I forgot I already had some plans.

By the time Adam got to Springfield I remembered and I had to ditch him with his friends for a while. He said he didn’t mind but he didn’t like the fact that I was going out to see a movie without him, even if it was Evan and not a total stranger… ha. I don’t do that just to clear the air. So he ended up getting drunk and passing out. That is not my favorite thing that is for sure. Meanwhile, I was at the movies with Evan. We get along so well that after the movie we just stayed outside in the parking lot and talked until 4 in the morning. I missed that so much. So much of how Evan and I interacted reminded me of Neeraj. It was uncanny. We could talk about anything and I loved it.

So, since I could have that kind of connection with Evan I thought I could still try to have that with Adam. No. I couldn’t.

I ended up going up to Belle where he is from and stayed with him and his family. Ha, I have my own room there now. It is kind of funny. Anywho, Adam and I had the breakup talk and I was just about to say, “That’s it, I think we are done” when I realized that I was at his parents house and he drove me there and I would have to ride all the way back to Springfield with him. Awkward…

So, I didn’t do it. I did tell him however that if we were going to work, which I know isn’t going to happen that I would give it some time and try. I basically just said that because I realized now that I am afraid of committment, and when he starts talking about being married I just want to run! Plus, we don’t have that connection anymore. We don’t talk anymore and we don’t act like a couple anymore. We are basically really good friends and that is another reason why I didn’t break up with him then. I can’t start over again. Right now my life is just too hectic. And yeah, I think it will be good for me to be alone for a while. I think it is what I need, but it is just a little bit scary.

One more tidbit, apparently my mother added Neeraj to her facebook friends. (she had to call me today to tell me.) I took that as a sign too a little bit. I had given up on going to Kansas City to talk to him because I figured he was happy and had totally forgotten about me. It is kind of hard to completely forget about that person when you are friends with the ex girlfriends’ mom… Gees, mother.Well, I guess it isn’t too strange because I did open up to her about how I still felt about him a couple of weeks ago. It is only natural to be curious I suppose. I am curious about him everyday, but I don’t go around doing things like that.

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