The Reply! Thank Goodness that’s Over!

July 19, 2007 at 6:17 am (Uncategorized)

Bikke The Pirate says:
so you think you could give me a shot and we could both have some fun along the way?
Chelsea says:
I am truly flattered that you feel that way, really. It is just that I can’t really see much happening between us at this point in time. I mean, not that you aren’t a fantastic guy… it’s just that I don’t really feel like I could give you the kind of energy that you would be able to give me. I don’t want to cheat you out of what you deserve.
Bikke The Pirate says:
I really dont’ think that would be an issue with me. I mean, i understand that you’re busy and all, but really what I want is the freedom to be able to take you out and do nice things for you without it seem like some weird thing
Bikke The Pirate says:
I know the whole time thing is a difficult thing for you, since you’re so busy all the time
Chelsea says:
yeah, pretty much
Bikke The Pirate says:
but I just want to at least give it a shot
Bikke The Pirate says:
at least try it out, see what happens, and if nothing, no hard feelings
Bikke The Pirate says:
you know what I mean?
Chelsea says:
yeah, i know what you mean, it is just I don’t know about that yet…
Bikke The Pirate says:
not to be pretentious, but, well, why not?
Bikke The Pirate says:
I don’t know how to say that in a softer tone, but I really didn’t mean that last one to sound as harsh as it does
Bikke The Pirate says:
unless you don’t want to tell me
Chelsea says:
it isn’t that I don’t want to tell you, it is just that I don’t really know. There is something, not sure what it is, that is stopping me from saying… “Yeah sure, let’s try!”
Bikke The Pirate says:
is there anything at all that I can do to change that
Bikke The Pirate says:
because there’d be nothing I’d like more than to go out with you, even for a short while
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’d be the happiest man you know if you’d say yes
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’m sorry, i’m kinda putting you on the spot here
Bikke The Pirate says:
would it help if i’d drive down to your place and ask you in person?
Chelsea says:
no.
Chelsea says:
i don’t think that there is anything you can do at this point… I don’t see it working out..
Bikke The Pirate says:
well that’s not really the point though. I just want to spend at least a little time and get closer to you
Bikke The Pirate says:
I mean, I’m not looking for any sort of long-lasting relationship at this point in my life
Bikke The Pirate says:
as contrary to my previous implications as that may be
Chelsea says:
Well, that is just it. The pretenses would be different for both of us.
Bikke The Pirate says:
how so/
Bikke The Pirate says:
?
Bikke The Pirate says:
oh, i see
Bikke The Pirate says:
its just, i’d like to at least try
Bikke The Pirate says:
I mean, you never really  know if you don’t try
Bikke The Pirate says:
I figure if it works out, thats a total bonus, but i’m not worried too much about it
Bikke The Pirate says:
since i’ve got similar relationship/career goals as you
Bikke The Pirate says:
grad, get a job and THEN
Bikke The Pirate says:
you know
Bikke The Pirate says:
but in the meantime, I’d like to share some time with people I care about
Bikke The Pirate says:
and people, meaning you
Bikke The Pirate says:
I know we have very differing views on some things, but I know I love talking about things with you, since you offer an intelligent and most importantly, different perspective on many things than my mind comes up with
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’m sorry, i must seem like i’ve got multiple personalities. first I’ll say one thing that implies that I feel one way and then say something that directly states something completely different. I must be confusing you to no end
Bikke The Pirate says:
I dunno
Bikke The Pirate says:
I just know that i really care about you and I’d really like to spend time with you
Bikke The Pirate says:
there’s just so much I want to share with you and its driving me mad not being able to
Chelsea says:
if you can help it, don’t. you are coming off a bit strong at the moment and I am not really sure about it right now..
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’m REALLY sorry about that
Bikke The Pirate says:
that’s why i prefer face-to-face communication, since i’m able to express myself with more than inanimate words
Bikke The Pirate says:
its just gotten to the point where I don’t want to play games with words or beat around the bush anymore, so it sounds really heavy duty
Bikke The Pirate says:
I just want to speak plainly, and not have any miscommunication. I’ve had plenty of that, even recently, and I really want to just say exactly what I mean
Bikke The Pirate says:
if perhaps it means it comes off a little over the top
Bikke The Pirate says:
see, that’s why I wanted to save it for later, but at least its out now.
Chelsea says:
Aaron, I just don’t see dating as a possibility right now. I think that is pretty straight forward. I’m sorry.
Bikke The Pirate says:
thank you for being honest with me. I really appreciate that. I’m sorry to have been such a botherance tonight
Chelsea says:
you haven’t been bothersome
Bikke The Pirate says:
I just really needed to tell you that stuff, cause it had been driving me bonkers. You really have no idea how much of an effect you’ve had on me, but I hope some day I’ll be able to express that to you
Bikke The Pirate says:
of course I’m a little disappointed as to how this has ended up, but at least it was something
Bikke The Pirate says:
there’s a survival technique that says “keep making decisions. often times a wrong decision is better than making no decision at all”
Bikke The Pirate says:
abstracting that to this situation, I’m glad I talked to you, even if the outcome wasn’t quite what I wanted
Bikke The Pirate says:
even though i expected it
Chelsea says:
really?
Bikke The Pirate says:
yeah
Bikke The Pirate says:
in fact, i saw the odds of you going for it to be pretty astronomical against, but I figured i’d give it a shot, cause if I did and you turned me down, I’d lose  nothing but a bit of pride, but the chance of you not turning me down was definitely worth it. I figured if I didn’t ask, it FOR SURE would never happen
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’ve tried so hard, Chelsea, what have I done wrong?
Chelsea says:
nothing
Bikke The Pirate says:
just wrong place, wrong time?
Chelsea says:
yeah, well, i think there is more to it than that. I can really help it. I just can’t see myself doing that. It had nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do.
Bikke The Pirate says:
but why? Is there something so different, so incompatible between us that you can’t see you being with me? i really gotta know
Bikke The Pirate says:
to finally put this to rest
Chelsea says:
no.. i just can’t. there is just something there holding me back. I am sorry I cannot give you more closure…
Bikke The Pirate says:
now this is interesting
Bikke The Pirate says:
we have two forces in our lives, one in yours one in mine, both equally inexplicable, and both causing some issues here
Bikke The Pirate says:
mine forces me to not be able to let you go, whereas yours keeps you away from me
Bikke The Pirate says:
and by some, i mean all
Bikke The Pirate says:
and neither of us can explain its presence, but it
Bikke The Pirate says:
s there
Bikke The Pirate says:
this is interesting
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’m glad you told me that
Chelsea says:
yeah
Chelsea says:
interesting
Bikke The Pirate says:
don’t sound too enthused…
Chelsea says:
haha, yeah. well.
Bikke The Pirate says:
i’m sorry i’ve impeded your paper writing this evening
Bikke The Pirate says:
however I do need to go to bed
Chelsea says:
you’re good, no worries
Chelsea says:
ok
Chelsea says:
talk to you later
Bikke The Pirate says:
yeah, talk to you later

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This is TOO MESSED UP!

July 19, 2007 at 4:33 am (Uncategorized)

Why is it right when I find someone I like everyone else decides that they like me too… two people, besides the one i want to be with have made my life hard. When is the excuse I like someone else appropriate?? Seriously… if I were dating him that would be the perfect thing to say.. but since I don’t really know what we are, it makes things hard. OK, well here is just a little something that a guy said to me… I hate this. It is just too, um, wrong. I don’t and will never like him. I have already told him this once before. Why won’t he just take the hint?

Bikke The Pirate says:
but i’d really like to get it off my chest
Chelsea says:
well, then just go for it
Bikke The Pirate says:
i’ll give you the gist of it, howbout
Chelsea says:
i just wanted to give you warning
Bikke The Pirate says:
ok, here goes:
I’ve liked you very much for several years. I’ve wanted to spend time with you and possibly have the honor of being your “boyfriend” for a similarly long time. I know that you’re not looking for that sort of thing, due to the commitment ideals and such, and I am in the same boat. Its just that I’ve been so infatuated with you for so long, I just want to spend time with you and I’ve never been really able to do that
Bikke The Pirate says:
for a variety of reasons
Bikke The Pirate says:
and that’s caused me to get frustrated and want to write you out of my life forever, but there’s something that just won’t let me do that
Bikke The Pirate says:
and I’ve tried so hard to try to get near you, but it seems the harder I try, the more I mess it up
Bikke The Pirate says:
and then i’m overwhelmed by the percieved need to push you away
Bikke The Pirate says:
and so I look like an immature jerk
Bikke The Pirate says:
especially in comparison to you
Chelsea says:
no, you shouldn’t put me on a pedestal. What makes it so hard for you to push me out?
Chelsea says:
did you figure that out?
Bikke The Pirate says:
in the years of trying to figure this out, I’ve not been able to
Bikke The Pirate says:
there’s always something that draws me back
Bikke The Pirate says:
I can’t get you off of my mind
Bikke The Pirate says:
I know
Bikke The Pirate says:
it sounds cheezy and stuff
Bikke The Pirate says:
but its true
Bikke The Pirate says:
of anything in my life, you’re the only person/place/thing I’ve really had to try to get close to
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’ve wanted so bad to have just even a close relationship with you for so long, I don’t know what I’d do otherwise
Bikke The Pirate says:
and each and every one of my efforts have been thwarted in some way or another
Bikke The Pirate says:
I can’t count the number of times I’ve wanted to just go over to your house and try to explain myself to you8
Bikke The Pirate says:
Everything else in my life I have control over. I can choose my attitude toward everything, but when it comes to you (and only you) I just can’t change how I feel
Bikke The Pirate says:
I’m sorry this is so deep and heavy in such a circumstance as you’re in
Bikke The Pirate says:
you remember that poem I sent you a while back? It really says exactly what I feel every day
Bikke The Pirate says:
and I try to not do that
Bikke The Pirate says:
I try to think of other people that way
Bikke The Pirate says:
but I just CANT
Chelsea says:
i am just taking all of this in before I say something… in case you are wondering… but seriously, this may come out a little harsh.
Bikke The Pirate says:
no, i understand
Bikke The Pirate says:
take your time
Bikke The Pirate says:
i really don’t want you to say something you don’t mean
Bikke The Pirate says:
or misunderstand what I’m saying. if you’re unclear, ask me
Chelsea says:
ok, well.. gees.
Bikke The Pirate says:
I don’t know if i’m making any sense here or not. Every time I try to think about you or especially talk to you, my mind kinda goes haywire and its hard for me to have a full thought that makes sense
Bikke The Pirate says:
Basically I want to go out with you in the worst possible way
Bikke The Pirate says:
thats about it
Bikke The Pirate says:
I went into a lot more depth than I guess I needed to, but it feels good to get it off my chest
Bikke The Pirate says:
but I really do. There’s a lot of things that I kinda want to do, but the only thing that I want to do beyond anything else is go out with you
Bikke The Pirate says:
there, I said it
Bikke The Pirate says:
I seem like a fool
Bikke The Pirate says:
I may be coming on real strong for your taste
Bikke The Pirate says:
but that’s the basics of it
Bikke The Pirate says:
and I’m sure you already knew that
Chelsea says:
well, kind of… but you said it.

Bikke The Pirate says:
so what do you think? will you give me a chance? just in your spare time?  Keep in mind, I’m not looking for any sort of a committed relationship at this juncture, but I’d really enjoy the pleasure of going out with you.

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Jumping Into Things…

July 17, 2007 at 5:52 pm (It's just my life)

OK, so I know I may be jumping into things a little quickly, but I think I have finally found someone that I like… and that may like me back. I can actually see a relationship coming about. The only thing is he is from Mizzou. I told myself not to get involved in another relationship that has the words “long distance” in them… but man, I really like this one.

Adam and Iagain…

I am not totally sure if he likes me, but dang, I really think so. Did I mention he is 6’6″?? Ha ha. Oh, and here is another shot I like a lot…

dsc01534.jpg

This was Travis’s birthday, so he is allowed to look like that. But anyway, I just wanted to get all that off my chest.

I hope things will work out somehow… I guess just give it time.

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I Love This Song!

July 12, 2007 at 1:42 am (lyrics)

Jimmy Eat World – Disintegration Lyrics

I’ve spent my last nights
strung up and pulled tight.
Holding out, sleep and grow.
An answer comes without a please:
‘Do what you want.’

[Chorus:]
Wonder why I’m so caught of guard when we kiss.
Rather live my life in regret then do this.
What happened to the love we both knew?
We both chased.
Hanging on a cigarette you need me,
you burn me, you’ll burn me.

Hushed with a finger
Don’t say you’ll never when you might,
or just another time.
This poison comes instruction free.
Do what you want, but I’m drinking.

Wonder why I’m so caught off guard when we kiss.
Rather live my life in regret then do this.
What happened to the love we both knew?
We both chased.
Hanging on a cigarette you need me,
you burn me, you’ll burn me.

Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh
Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh
Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh
Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh
Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh
Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh
Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh
Lie lie better next time, stay on my side tonight, oh [continues through chorus]

Wonder why I’m so caught of guard when we kiss
I’d rather live my life in regret than do this
What happened to the love we both knew, we both chased
Hanging on a cigarette you need me you burn me you’ll burn me
What happened to the love we both knew, we both chased
Hanging on a cigarette you need me. you burn me, you’ll burn me.

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Me to a T

July 11, 2007 at 3:27 am (Quizzes)

Your Rising Sign is Libra

A total charmer, it’s hard for people to say no to you.
Irresistable and attractive, you have no shortage of love interests.
Totally competitive, you tend to thrive in stressful enviroments.
A peaceful soul, you avoid conflict at almost all costs.
Sometimes you try too hard to please those around you.
But you have a great inner strength that helps you bounce back easily.

You Are Boyish Sexy

You’re the kind of girl who gets along with all the boys
Whether it’s holding your own in a game of touch football…
Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox.
You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.

You know, I am okay with those. I believe that they both fit me perfectly. That’s why I put them on here! 

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